This post is an extract from my book ‘The Self-Care Project’, available to purchase from Amazon, Waterstones, WHSmith and other local bookshops.
We’ve all had ‘those’ days which have rolled into two, maybe three, possibly a week, a month, a year – a stretch of time when it feels as though life is just pelting lemons at us, repeatedly. A chaotic patch of life which tests our resolve to the limit. Everything that could go wrong does go wrong. We’re beyond stressed. We’re at our wits’ end. Kerplunked.
Problem-solving takes brainpower, courage and resilience. It’s hard to pick ourselves up again, and again, and again. The knee-jerk reaction is to keep ploughing on but it rarely all goes away without a re-steering of the ship:
Foster Self-belief
Dealing with problem after problem is wearing; it grinds us down and, depending on our life experiences, we might not feel equipped to deal with them.
We’ve got this – we so have. It doesn’t feel like it, as all the plates are spinning out of control, or crashing, but we have what it takes to get through this.
We’ve been through rough patches before and got through them, even when we didn’t believe we would.
The odd thing about problems is that the more of them we deal with, the more equipped our future selves will feel to deal with the obstacles that come our way. It’s one of the cruel jokes of life; overcoming problems increases our self-confidence and our resilience.
play to the senses
Whilst we’re being ninja problem-sorter-outers, we’re putting our energy and brainpower to the test. It’s important that we take time out from our ninja-ing to refill those tanks, to catch a breath and to rest up.
Problems always feel bigger than they are when we’re smack-bang in the middle of them. We desperately search for the solution only for it to present itself when we’re doing something completely unrelated; cooking our dinner, reading a book or taking a shower. When we give ourselves space from the problem, we give our brains a chance to digest it, to join the dots and come up with a solution. Our brains will work for us, if only we give them a chance.
We can give our frazzled brains a well-earned break if we employ the help of our senses, too; light a scented candle, go outside and smell some flowers, run a bath, snuggle up in blankets, have a delicious snack, listen to some music, watch a film, breathe in some fresh air.
SEARCH FOR THE OPPORTUNITY
Problems can loom larger than life and they can be a downright nuisance. Our brains prefer the known to the unknown. When the unknown is thrust into our face, we freeze and self-doubt floods in.
A P45 signals the end of employment and probably the end of our bill-paying income. It could also end the spell of working a job we hate, of having to jump through hoops to keep a grouchy boss happy, or a long commute. What’s it the beginning of? Every beginning is preceded by the ending of something else.
Sometimes breakdown precedes breakthrough. Sometimes all these lemons are highlighting the ducks that are out of their row. Sometimes the problems are teaching us something important. Sometimes we just need to ride the storm and wait for the epic karma party that’s on its way.
ONE THING AT A TIME
When everything is going wrong at the same time, we naturally want to fix it all at the same time. When everything is screaming for our attention, we’re not sure which way to turn first; we’re in a tailspin.
We can start by getting some sort of order to our thoughts, problems and tasks. Brain-dump everything that’s taking up valuable headspace – everything. The things that are urgent, the things that are important, the problems, the tasks, the chores, the obligations and the wants. On a blank page, we can then start prioritising these things, with self-care at the very top. Taking time for self-care will rejuvenate us to keep going. By slicing and dicing this very long list, we can group together the things that are urgent, the things that are important, the things we can delegate, the things we can forget about, the things we need to back out of and the things we need help with, and then act accordingly.
STOP
It always feels wrong to stop when life is forcing you to live in the fast lane. It goes against all the instincts and pressure we feel. Pressing pause is an action, in and of itself. Turbulence doesn’t bring clarity; it’s by having the courage to stop, when the world is at its most demanding, that clarity, peace and revelation are found.
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