To celebrate the publication of the paperback edition of my book Kind Words for Unkind Days, I’m sharing an extract ‘Positive Thinking Isn’t Always Easy’ from pages 52 and 53. The book is available to buy from Amazon, Waterstones and other Local Bookshops.
The negative stuff tends to shine like a beacon, roar like a lion and refuse to retreat.
Positive stuff does happen, and we actively look for it, but it always feels outnumbered by the rough stuff, which starts to make us feel that we’re doing something wrong, that we’re broken, that we’re really unlucky. Or all of the above.
What’s so interesting is that the negative stuff seems to shape us too. We can all pinpoint a comment, a look, a something that made us adjust our sails ever so slightly. Whether it was ten minutes ago, ten weeks ago or ten years ago. There’ll be something that we remember quite clearly, which affects how we go about our days or makes us second-guess ourselves.
There’s a reason the negative weighs so heavy. And it’s nothing to do with us as people; it’s a biology thing.
Our brain has a negative bias. It’s an evolutionary tool to keep us safe from danger, from waaay back in the cave and sabre-toothed tiger heyday. Our brain is wired to overplay the risks and remind us of the negative.
The trouble is, life has moved on, but that negative bias thing? It hasn’t evolved, and it isn’t half tiresome.
The Reason Why 'Thinking Positive' Isn't Always Easy Share on XLife as we know it is loud and busy and full to the brim of information, different situations and people. And we’re always, even if we don’t realise it, interpreting ev-er-y darn thing to suss out the danger and to analyse the negative.
When you’re told to ‘think positive’ and it feels a gazillion times harder than it sounds, know this: it is a gazillion times harder than it sounds.
It’s not you, as a person. It’s not you, in who you are. It’s not that you’re lacking in some magical and mystical ‘think positive’ skill set. It’s your frickin’ brain – it’s doing what it’s supposed to be doing, however truly exhausting that is.
Don’t stop seeking the positive or challenging the negative thoughts and don’t stop reaching out for help when they become the the thing putting you in danger. But do try to stop thinking that you’re at fault and do try to stop beating yourself up for seeing things in a greyer way than you think you should.
“This book tackles the enormously important subject of self-care with with, insight and the warmth of personal experience.”
– POORNA BELL
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